Have you ever thought about the time when you realized you are actually an adult? Yes, I know, it sounds somewhat cliché. I’m not talking about the physical changes that we awkwardly go through in our teens (ugh, puberty really is as bad as in health class, still have some vivid memories of those changes if you want me to share). I’m thinking about the points in your early 20s where you realize that you have somehow become an independent person who is more or less on your own. One of the most distinct points I had this realization was the first important conversation where I strongly disagreed with my mom.
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I can’t remember specifically what we were actually talking about now, but it had to do with a fight with my boyfriend #storyofmylife. I was going through a relationship that involved more break ups than being together #firstlove, and my mom was telling me what she thought I should do. I remember a weird feeling that said ‘your mom is great, and she does have great advice, but is this the best advice for YOU?’ It wasn’t the first time I questioned what my parents said, but it was the first time that I was actually adult enough to realize what was going on in my head. When you are younger and feel it, you can’t tell if it’s just you wanting to do what your parents don’t want you to do or you just deciding to disagree because it’s fun. But this time, I realized I had to listen to myself, choose my own path, and that freaked me out.
When you have been fortunate enough to look up to your parents or an elder mentor, it’s so hard to take that step and do what you want to do rather than what they are telling you. Questions start popping in your head: Could I really be right? What happens if they are right? What happens if this blows up in my face? Will they support me if I don’t listen to them? It’s like they have some sort of a spell on you and you know it, but you can’t seem to or really want to break away from it. Well, as terrified and scared as I was, I decided to go with my approach. It actually wasn’t pretty and we broke up AGAIN as a result, but I realized that even though it wasn’t what I wanted, it was ok. From making that decision, I learned more about myself, what I need, and why my gut was telling me to make that choice. I’ve harnessed that feeling over time and some of my biggest choices, like leaving the corporate world, have stemmed from knowing when to trust myself vs. listen to others. So don’t rule out the feeling when you get it – sometimes the scary road less traveled is actually the right direction for you.
Leslie Delery 